I once watched a program called Black In America which had aired on CNN. It highlighted the lives and exploits of Black people in America and explored the difficulty some confronted trying to make it……

I can’t help but remember this one brother who had been incarcerated and released. His life had been one of constant disappointment and instability. He had come home to a pregnant girlfriend who had waited for him with great anticipation and hoping for the best. . She was holding down a job and looking forward to starting a family and possibly getting married. They had sat down and discussed what type of life they wanted to pursue together and exactly what it would require to achieve this. They both would work diligently towards making this dream a reality.

This young  Black man had found employment driving a tractor-trailer hauling large loads which made her hopeful but nevertheless apprehensive. He had on numerous occasions mentioned how sincere he was in wanting to do the right thing and become a responsible person and be there for his girlfriend and child. I found myself hoping for the best outcome for the both of them. Too often times people will make the wrong decisions when life demands a constructive change. This is especially true when they are not accustomed to making the right choices and have developed a pattern of irresponsible decision-making for whatever reason.

So, this young Black man  had appeared to be doing extremely well with his new-found freedom and job. I have to admit that I was very impressed with his seemingly steadfast determination to stay on the right path. However, this was to be short-lived because a short time afterwards this young brother had begun to complain about how difficult it was having to drive the load and then be solely responsible with the task of unloading it himself.  He had come to the point where he was completely exhausted after working all day and would begin to question if it was all worth it. Now we are talking about a young man who is in his twenties and for all practical purposes whose body and mind would grow stronger as time went by.

These are those moments in life that we all come face to face with at some time or another. These are the times that unbeknownst to us could have life altering consequences based on the decision we make. Those periods in life where we will experience some adversity and have to reach deep inside of ourselves to display some degree of courage and determination. This is where we usually have the opportunity of transitioning from one phase in life, to another. That undeniable moment when we are on the precipice of maturation to adulthood. It is at this moment that we need to step back and evaluate the pros and cons of our situation and give considerable thought to what, how and who our decision will affect. If we do this in an honest and thoughtful manner most times we will make the right choice. But most often than not our young people will give up  and throw caution to the wind.

Eventually this young Black man decided to quit his job and commit an armed robbery of a local marijuana supplier. Needless to say that he was apprehended, arrested and sent back to prison which again left the pregnant  girlfriend on her own,  disappointed and heart-broken. My heart was also saddened by the choice that this young brother had made. I was saddened for him , the girlfriend but more so for the child who would be born into this world more or less fatherless. This pattern will undoubtedly follow him for the rest of his life. It has been set and the opportunity for change that was there once will probably not present itself again for some time. This is an unfortunate true aspect of reality that very few young people realize.  Most feel as though they have an infinite amount of time to get on the right track and some just don’t care. Life does not guarantee us anything nor does it extend to us entitlements. It presents us with opportunities and irregardless of how small we must be able to recognize and be prepared to seize  the moment to take advantage of them when they arise. They are sometimes to few and far in between.

I couldn’t help but ask myself, what in the world was this young Black man thinking about or was he even thinking at all. He must have given some thought to what the possible consequences of his irresponsible decision and actions would lead to. But then again, maybe not. It could be possible that once he was on the path to rehabilitation  it affected the time that he would have to hang out with his homies.  When one is attempting to turn their lives around and do the right thing, there is no room for the old habits and acquaintances. We have to let go of them or they will attempt to negatively influence us by getting inside our head. Usually this is accomplished by feeding us that old garbage about squaring up and becoming whipped by our women. So to illustrate that we are still down with them we sabotage what we have in order to save face and appease them. Basically we just end up screwing ourselves and our family just to show some false bravado. It is my experience that once an individual begins to re-navigate the direction in which their lives are heading certain people will become envious. They are witnessing you do the one thing that they yearn to do themselves but don’t have the courage to do.

I know this very well because I have traveled this road several times before in my youth and early adulthood. I found myself making decisions that were very harmful to myself and never gave much consideration to how it was effecting my life.  I was continuously sabotaging my life until I one day I found myself contemplating death. I had then made a decision to finally drum enough courage to reach out and ask for help. The road to redemption and success has not been an easy one because it required a great deal of sacrifice and hard work. However, I knew where I had once been and where it had led me and I didn’t want to revisit that again. So I was determined to do the necessary things that were demanded of me if I were to effectuate and maintain a positive change in my life.  So if that meant letting go of old habits and friends that weren’t in my best interest, then so be it.
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Apparently, this young Black man  had thrown all caution to the wind and didn’t give any consideration to the girlfriend, the baby or his life!!  I can only imagine how disappointed, hurt and abandoned his girlfriend must have felt.  Here she would be once again on her own and pregnant with her man in jail having to make it alone. This young Black man would not stay out prison long enough to see his child born. Unfortunately it is a very sad and disappointing story that is repeated time and time again within our society by our young Black men. It is a destructive pattern that has found a common place within our communities and it needs to be addressed. Much too often we witness the breakdown that occurs between them assuming a role of responsibility and acts of capitulation.

Why is it that so many of our youths fail to rise up to the challenge of being men. Could it be that the expectations and responsibilities are too great of a challenge and they feel somewhat threatened or inadequate. What are the missing components and why is the avenue of least resistance the one most often chosen instead of the avenue that  challenges them and will mold them into becoming men? Some where  there is a huge disconnect between reality of their reality….

We have got to understand that in order to make it in this world we must have a strong resolve . I always refer to the four D’s, Determination, Dedication, Discipline and Diligence and we can always add Discretion..  It’s all about hard work man and not allowing any obstacle to deter us from our goal… Nothing ventured, Nothing gained. There is no pie in the sky and nothing is going to fall into our laps. We must work extremely hard if we want a piece of the pie. So, until our reality changes or we change it, that’s just the way it is!!!

We need to have more positive role models and support systems in place that can help these young Black men navigate their way through life in a constructive and responsible manner. We need to get back to the basics and provide structure and direction within the household. We need to change the way in which we think, speak and conduct ourselves in front of our children. If we can not provide this guidance for them, there will always be someone or something else more sinister that will and we will continue to see a slow but consistent deterioration of our culture and communities.

What are you going to do to make this change happen…..

Written by Africafifth